Do I Regret Self-Publishing ALL THE BROKEN BLADES?

I suck at celebrating anniversaries and milestones. I skip my birthday two years out of three. I hold two degrees and missed convocation both times. As you can tell from the slightly depressing title, this is no exception. But I swear, this is my attempt at celebrating an anniversary.

Today is May 28, the release date for All the Broken Blades. My book is one year old! *insert unenthusiastic cheer* I originally planned on writing a breakdown of my entire self-publication process, which would also double as a Self-Publishing 101 guide. That’s still coming. But I’m nose-to-the-grindstone on another project right now, and I want that breakdown to have the depth and detail it deserves—depth and detail I can’t give it right now.

So on the exact date of May 28, I offer this instead: my thoughts on self-publishing my debut short story collection and, one year on, if I wish I’d done it differently. Perhaps this will help you make your own decisions on whether to self-publish.

Did you try finding a literary agent and/or publisher for All the Broken Blades?

No, I did not. I did not send one query letter, one submission, or make a single pitch at a conference or online event. Self-publishing was not a destination I arrived at after exhausting other avenues; it was a conscious decision from the beginning.

Stupid? Maybe. But with reasons? Yes.

Is it because traditional publishing is slow?

Exactly. I wanted a book published and available as soon as possible. I was six or seven years into my career at this point (in 2024 when I started planning a short story collection). I had publications in Strange Horizons, The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, Beneath Ceaseless Skies, and still no book to my name. It was starting to feel silly saying, “Hi, I’m a professional writer (by SFWA-qualifying standards, not by can-live-off-my-writing standards), go find my stuff in all these back issues of various magazines.”

Traditional publishing is slow. There are time gaps between agent submission and agent response, publisher submission and publisher response, acceptance and edits and release. Working independently, it took about seven months from the Kickstarter to the book release. A traditional publisher would not have released it so quickly (sometimes they take that long just to respond to your submission). Putting my book through the cycle of traditional publishing would’ve meant delaying it for years—if it gets released at all.

If I have one clear regret, it is not putting together a collection sooner. I had enough material by 2021. I left out half of my published works from All the Broken Blades; as my proofreader puts it, ain’t nobody reading a 150,000-word short story collection.

So it sounds like you have no regrets then?

Not exactly. See, there is time and there is time. Traditional publishing results in a later release date, but also less non-writing work for the author. The publisher deals with book production. Though I would’ve spent longer waiting, I could’ve spent that waiting period writing more material, rather than seven months scrambling around like a headless chicken to deal with cover design, interiors, ISBNs, and Kickstarter rewards.

Self-publishing is a lot of work, especially if you want your book to look professional. I have such incredible respect for my peers who built a career from it—I don’t know how y’all find time to write. Or sleep.

There is a lot a publisher can do for you, even a small publisher. Sometimes I look to writers who had books released with a small press, and I see their publishers booking events for them or making their books available in tiny independent bookstores. I think of their sales numbers versus mine, and I wonder about the possibilities. Could I achieve the same things? Of course, and there are many self-published authors who do. I’d just need to book those events myself, call those bookstores directly, and run my own promotional campaigns. Time, work, money.

So… were there good parts to self-publishing?

Yes, of course! Firstly, it did accomplish my basic goal: having a book to sell, having a place to point my readers toward if they wished to support me.

I was able to hold two launch parties, one at the dearly departed Imperial Pub and one at the pillar of science fiction and fantasy that is Bakka-Phoenix Bookstore. I attended Word on the Street and Can*Con, and sold many books at both events. I had two different author events at Indigo. And I’m planning to attend many more events this year, including Indie Fusion BookCon.

I also enjoyed having creative control over the book production. I mean, how many traditionally published authors can say their cover art is a physical acrylic painting, created specifically with their book in mind? (Original artwork isn’t actually a guarantee for your book cover—many publishers license stock images which are then incorporated into a cover design.) How many can say their artist also created a custom interior border and scene breaks?

The original painting of the cover art for All the Broken Blades

Mandatory plugs here:

My cover artist: Lana Kamaric

My cover designer: Tony Sahara

My book looks the way I want it to, and that might never happen in the traditional publishing world.

So if you could go back, what would you do?

If I could go back to 2021, I think I would’ve tried compiling a short story collection then. It wouldn’t be thematic like All the Broken Blades. It’ll just be my publications from 2018 to 2021—which, granted, seems to be how many authors do it.

Knowing what I do now about querying, I don’t think I will try to find a literary agent with it. Very few agents accept short story collections owing to how difficult it is to sell them to a major publisher. Some mid-sized or small presses do take them. But I don’t exactly need an agent to submit to a smaller press.

So, 2021 me would probably try submitting the book to a few mid-sized publishers. If no bites in a year, I’ll release it myself.

But Michelle, that wasn’t the question. That hypothetical book wouldn’t even be All the Broken Blades, because it would’ve been composed of a very different set of stories.

And that’s a fair statement. So let’s not go back so far. Let’s return to 2024. These fourteen stories and these two poems, centred on epic fantasy and fairy tale retellings. Would I have done anything differently, knowing what I know now?

That is a difficult question. The agent answer remains the same. But I’m juuuust arrogant/delusional enough to think that maybe, maybe a small or mid-sized press might’ve picked it up, and I should’ve tried a few targeted pitches or submissions. I might have a more successful book that way.

On the other hand, All the Broken Blades still wouldn’t be released (even if it had gotten acquired; publishing is slow, remember?). And I’d be living in a universe where my physical book looks significantly different, and I’m not sure I want that universe.

Will you self-publish again?

I still have a lot of short stories that haven’t found a home in All the Broken Blades. They’re stories that appeared in Asimov’s, Clarkesworld, Escape Pod, etc. and they deserve a book of their own. As for whether I’m going to submit it to a publisher or self-publish it… Honestly, I don’t know. I feel like I learned a lot from All the Broken Blades and I’m excited to apply some of those lessons for my next short story collection. Then again, I also wouldn’t mind a different experience of working with a publisher.

As for whether I’d self-publish a novel in the future: my current answer is I’d like to give it a shot in the querying/submission trenches first.

….Oh my, this was supposed to be a quick post in lieu of the self-publishing guide. It’s getting long. Let me sign off here. Stay hydrated, keep writing, and leave your questions in the comments!

Emptiness: Launch Party and Best Story Vote

At long last, spring has finally arrived in southern Ontario. At the very least, the birds have made a nest in my tree and started pooping on my car—my usual signal for spring.

Emptiness: A One-Shot Anthology of Speculative Fiction has been released for a while. I hope you’ve had the chance to read some stories and poems within. If so, head over to the poll to vote for your favourite pieces. You can pick your top three, or just your top one, whatever floats your boat. Poll closes Saturday May 23, 2026 at 11am, on the morning of…

RSVP for the book launch via Meetup.

The Emptiness launch party is happening Saturday May 23, 2026 at 4:15pm! Join me and other contributing authors for book signings, readings, speeches, prizes, and more!

Emptiness is the #1 Amazon bestselling anthology featuring 48 stories and poems from the Toronto Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers, all written in a single day. Purchase your copy on Amazon, or grab a copy at the launch party and get it signed by multiple contributing authors.

I’ve had the honour and privilege of compiling this book, and also contributing my story “The Rejuvenation Machine”, about a figure skater who uses dangerous and banned technology in pursuit of Olympic gold.

Hope you are enjoying the spring (or whatever season reigns in your part of the world). If you are based in Toronto or can make it there: see you at the book launch! I will have both good and bad jokes in abundant supply.

2025 Award Eligibility + 2026 Writer Bingo

2025 was a year of two halves. I devoted the first half to producing All the Broken Blades and promoting it. In the second half, I focused on completing the second draft of my novel. As a result, new short stories and poems took a back seat. But I do have a few things to present for award consideration.

All the Broken Blades – Best Related Work/Collection/Anthology

All the Broken Blades sits in an awkward spot of being a single-author short story/poetry collection featuring mostly previously published works. But it is eligible for award categories related to collections, anthologies, and related works of speculative fiction, such as:

Aurora Awards Best Related Work

Locus Awards Best Collection

Ignyte Awards Outstanding Anthology/Collected Works

World Fantasy Awards Best Collection

“The Laughing Knight and the King of Ink: A Tragicomedy in 2.5 Acts” – Best Short Story

This short story appeared for the first time in All the Broken Blades in 2025. Therefore, it is eligible for Best Short Story categories in all the above-listed awards, plus the Hugo Awards and the Nebula Awards.

 

2026 Writer Bingo

In hopes of keeping myself focused and productive, I have created a Bingo sheet for 2026 goals. I’ve tried many things over the years to fix my (very poor) ability to focus, from daily schedules to productivity planners, and I must report: they all failed. Maybe this will be the one that works?

One key feature of the Bingo is, I’ve only included items within my control. These things are centred around my own output: the words I write, the queries/submissions I send, the events I attend. I have not included things like “publish X number of stories” or “sign with an agent” because these are things outside my direct control. As a poster hanging over a lunchroom sink once told me, “Today I will not stress over things I can’t control.”

2025 Aurora Award Wins: Best Short Story & Best Poem/Song!

I was all ready to walk around my next convention with a “4-time Aurora Award Loser” badge, but then…

 

I got a double-win instead?! Here is the official announcement.

  • “Cthulhu on the Shores of Osaka” won Best Poem/Song
  • “Blood and Desert Dreams” won Best Short Story

Huge thanks to the editors who published me over the years, the writing groups who asserted positive peer pressure, and the friends who believed in me even when I was thoroughly sick of my own writing.

You can watch a replay of the livestream here. My speeches are at 59:25 and 1:09:51. Warning: I used up my good jokes the first time around.

Oh, and I got a brief mention on CBC, which is just… wow.

“Cthulhu on the Shores of Osaka” – Winner of Best Poem/Song

Picture of the 2025 Aurora Award for Best Poem/Song, awarded to Y.M. Pang for "Cthulhu on the Shores of Osaka."
Yes, there’s a physical award with my name on it! This is the Best Poem/Song award for “Cthulhu on the Shores of Osaka.”

I’ve threatened to write a Cthulhu takoyaki story for years. When I learned that Cthulhu was basically a giant octopus, my first thought was, “Ah, food!” Maybe, depending on where he washes ashore, people may not gaze upon him with awe or fear, or even with scientific reverence. They may well witness the one-and-only eldritch god (an endangered species if there ever was one) and decide he makes a good meal.

Takoyaki–fried octopus balls–is a Japanese street food that originated in Osaka. It’s enjoyed all over the world now, though name is bit misleading–most of the snack is the batter, with only a tiny tendril of octopus tentacle inside.

So why not turn a horrifying and unknowable deity into a snack ingredient, basically the side dish of a side dish? Thus was the birth of “Cthulhu on the Shores of Osaka.”

I wrote this poem in a single day as part of Toronto Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers’ annual one-shot anthology series (participants must write their pieces within the span of 24 hours, and the works are compiled in a book after). The editing mostly consisted of debating someone about the exact pH of stomach acid.

This one-shot writing challenge has spawned many of my works over the years; some stories I initially drafted during the challenge but choose not to include them in the one-shot anthologies, instead editing them past the 24-hour period and publishing the works elsewhere.

“Blood and Desert Dreams” – Winner of Best Short Story

And here is the Best Short Story award for “Blood and Desert Dreams.” To my surprise, both awards came with the announcement envelope–I didn’t realize I’d be the one to keep those!

Speaking of which, “Blood and Desert Dreams” was originally drafted during a one-shot writing challenge. I did get the story done in a day, but soon after I received an invitation from a previous editor to submit to his magazine.

I opted to not include “Blood and Desert Dreams” in the Legacy one-shot anthology, thinking it might be a good fit for the magazine that published me before. Alas, after heavy consideration, the editor… didn’t end up buying my story.

But Scott H. Andrews at Beneath Ceaseless Skies did! We worked through multiple rounds of editing to create the version before you today, which is quite different from what I had the night of the one-shot anthology. “Blood and Desert Dreams” was once even more ambiguous, if you can believe that. Scott respected my vision of the unreliable narrator and “unique” ending (trying to not spoil anything), but he found ways to make the concept clearer. I did not want to mould the ending into a singular entity that it wasn’t, but Scott’s ideas preserved my vision while also making it palatable.

When award and “year’s best” compilation season hit, I experienced mixed feelings. “Blood and Desert Dreams” was my favourite among the three stories I published last year, but should I really ask people to consider it for year’s best anthologies or awards? It is ambitious, sure, and very representative of my writing. But I kept having flashbacks to early reader and editor feedback, about how difficult it was to understand. Had Scott’s edits been enough to broaden the appeal? Could there even be a broad appeal to a story with “that” ending?

The story has now been selected for the Year’s Best Canadian Fantasy and Science Fiction: Volume 3, and is the winner of an Aurora Award. I guess my doubts were unfounded.

Photo of author Y.M. Pang the 2025 Aurora Awards.
The Aurora Awards in their natural habitat, or so I pretend. Truth is, this isn’t even my house and I’m still figuring out where to display them…

What’s next? I’m still hard at work on my dark fantasy novel. Day job is still running interference (don’t get me wrong–I love my day job; it just consumes a lot of my time). I’ll be attending Word on the Street (Toronto) and Can*Con (Ottawa). And at some point, I will turn my gaze to that second short story collection, because the science fiction and urban fantasy also deserve their forever homes.

In the meantime: stay hydrated, watch this space for announcements, and don’t forget to devour all your cosmic horrors!

2024 Award Eligibility & Year in Review

It’s that time of year again. No, not talking about Christmas (though, early Merry Christmas to those who celebrate). It’s award eligibility season!

In 2024, I published three short stories and will have one poem forthcoming in the tail end of the year:

  • “Blood and Desert Dreams” (short story) in Beneath Ceaseless Skies: Kahna’s blood is poison, fatal to anyone who touches just one drop. Raised in the household of the ambitious Lady Darya, Kahna is trained as an assassin, using her unique power to eliminate Lady Darya’s enemies. Kahna is more than willing to anything for Lady Darya, but as the weight of her crimes pile up, Kahna’s world—and mind—begin to fracture. Read online.
  • “The Last Fugu House of Shimonoseki” (short story) in F(r)iction: Ayami is Shimonoseki’s last fugu chef. In a world where virtual reality has taken over, real life experiences—from natural wonders to historical architecture to fine dining—have become obsolete. Now, on the closing day of Sushi Maekawa, Ayami must make her final meals of deadly pufferfish and figure out what is next for her life and career. Read online.
  • “House of Jade Lions” (short story) in Other: the 2024 speculative fiction anthology: A noble family is trapped in a nightmarish house by (maybe) the decorative jade lions hanging from the ceilings. In the House of Jade Lions, Eldest Sister dangles from the balcony, Mother kills Father every evening, and the narrator is shrinking into a doll. The narrator reflects on all that led them here, including Mother’s ambition and his own wish for the family to stay unchanging forever. Get the book.
  • “Cthulhu on the Shores of Osaka” (poem) in Invitation: A One-Shot Anthology of Speculative Fiction: This one’s not out yet, but TDotSpec is endeavouring to have the anthology out before end of the year. I will update the post with the link to the anthology as soon as it’s released. As for the contents… well, the title is self-explanatory. (EDIT: Invitation was released December 29, 2024. Get the book: Amazon.com, Amazon.ca)

Awards and How to Support

Some awards I am eligible for:

  • The Hugo Awards: Nominations will open in early 2025. To nominate, a person would need to purchase a membership to the World Science Fiction Society before January 31, 2025, or to have been a member during Glasgow Worldcon in 2024. After nominations close, voting will be open to all members of Seattle Worldcon in 2025. My short stories are eligible for the Best Short Story category, and my poem will be eligible for Best Poem—a special category in the 2025 Seattle Worldcon.
  • The Nebula Awards: Full, Associate, and Senior Members of Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America (SFWA) can nominate and vote for the Nebula Awards. My short stories are eligible for the Short Story category.
  • The Aurora Awards: Award for the best Canadian science fiction and fantasy of the year. Members of the Canadian Science Fiction & Fantasy Association are allowed to nominate and vote. My short stories are eligible for the Best Short Story category, and my poem will be eligible for Best Poem/Song.

What you can do to support:

  • If you would like to participate in the Hugo Awards: Become a member of the World Science Fiction Society. You don’t need to attend Worldcon to be a member; basic membership grants you the right to nominate if purchased before end of January 2025, and the right to vote.
  • If you are a member of Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America: Nominate my short stories.
  • If you are Canadian: Become a member of the Canadian Science Fiction & Fantasy Association to nominate and vote. As a side note, membership gets you access to digital copies of the works on the shortlists, so think of it as getting an ultra-affordable ebook package.

2024 in Review

2024 has been a year of novelty and reconnection. I ventured into things I hadn’t done before, or resumed activities I’d let fall by the wayside. These include:

  • Ran a successful Kickstarter for my fantasy short story collection, All the Broken Blades
  • Started my newsletter.
  • Opened my Instagram account and resumed being active on Twitter / X
  • Reunited with my love for photography and photo-editing
  • Began updating this blog again regularly

It’s been an adventurous year. Next year, hopefully, will bring even bigger and better things. In the meantime, I will continue working on proofreading and book creation for All the Broken Blades.

“House of Jade Lions” available in Other: the 2024 speculative fiction anthology

My dark fantasy / horror short story “House of Jade Lions” is available in Other: the 2024 speculative fiction anthology from Bannister Press. The book is available on Amazon in print and as an ebook, and will be coming to other retailers soon. Visit the publisher’s page for more details.

Short and sane description: “House of Jade Lions” is about a noble family trapped inside a nightmarish house of death.

Long and strange description: “House of Jade Lions” is about a noble family trapped inside a nightmarish house of death by (maybe) the decorative jade lions hanging from the ceilings. Welcome to the abode where Eldest Sister dangles from the balcony, Mother kills Father every night, and the narrator is… shrinking? The narrator, now well on his way to becoming a doll (or at least doll-sized) reflects upon all that brought them here and who is responsible.

ALL THE BROKEN BLADES: Successful end to Kickstarter & next steps

On November 30, 2024, the Kickstarter campaign for All the Broken Blades (my debut short story collection) came to a successful conclusion with $2,176 (Canadian) raised, 155% of the initial funding goal. Words cannot express how ecstatic and thankful I am for all the support.

Special thanks to the following people:

  • Don Miasek and Justin Dill, for their tireless work in helping me promote this campaign
  • Julia Wang and Tao Wong, for lending their real life weaponry to the cause (swords for the promotional photo shoots)

And thank you to… every single one of you, my backers! This project could not be what it is without you.

Book Production and Next Steps

Project status:

  • I have already started reaching out to artists regarding cover illustration and design.
  • The stories have been compiled into a document for line-editing and proofreading.
  • Origami paper is stocked and ready for the production of origami cranes.

Now, for the complicated part: the campaign fell just shy of the audiobook stretch goal. However, I am still looking into options for audiobook production, through different ways of allocating funds, finding recording space, utilizing any late pledges that come in, and committing some of my own money. I cannot promise the audiobook is happening, but it’s not off the table. Stay tuned.

Late Pledges

For anyone who missed the campaign but would still like to support the creation of this book: late pledges are open for most reward tiers. They will remain open until I begin finalizing the book layout (at which point I will not be able to add further names to the acknowledgements, and therefore, will be closing to further pledges).

For those deciding between a late pledge and buying the book after release—the following rewards are only easily obtained from the Kickstarter campaign, and will not be available if you purchase the book later (unless you encounter me in-person at a book launch, convention, workshop, or critique group):

  • Book signed and personalized with a unique drawing
  • Bookmark featuring the cover art
  • Postcards featuring the promotional photos used in the campaign
  • Origami crane folded by me
  • Book bundled with two short fiction magazines (1 bundle left)

ALL THE BROKEN BLADES: Fantasy Anthology – Kickstarter & Story Previews

The Kickstarter for All the Broken Blades, my first short story collection, is LIVE! Funding ends November 30, 2024 at 6:01 p.m. EST.

All the Broken Blades is an anthology of epic fantasy and dark fairy tale retellings. It will feature a selection of thirteen stories published between 2018 and 2024, two poems, and one original never-before-published story.

All details on the crowdfunding campaign are available on the Kickstarter site.

For a preview of each of the stories included in the anthology, see below.

EDIT from May 28, 2025: Order of the story previews altered slightly from the original blog post, to reflect the story order of the release version.

Table of Contents:

Dress of Ash

Buried Phoenix. And Leaves

The Palace of the Silver Dragon

Lace, Comb, Apple

Little Inn on the Jianghu

Fall from the Heavens

Blood and Desert Dreams

The Girl with the Frozen Heart

My Mirror, My Opposite

Bride of the Blue Manor

The Laughing Knight and the King of Ink: A Tragicomedy in 2.5 Parts

The Mountains My Bones, the Rivers My Blood

Glass Gardens

The Lady of Butterflies

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

Dress of Ash

Originally appeared in Seasons Between Us.

 

There is an Etossari tale about a girl who became a servant in her own house.

After her mother passed away, her father remarried. Her stepmother, a woman of high status but little wealth, banished the girl to the servants’ quarters, where she cooked meals, scrubbed floors, and lit kindling. The girl’s face became covered in soot, and she wore a dress of ash.

The story came from a book of translated Northerner legends Father had given me. Mother scoffed at it. “Why read boneskin tales? Our own legends are the ones that matter.”

She had a point. What use were Northerner stories to a Swordbearer of Keja?

Yet during that late summer sunset, as Kaya’s form disappeared into the trees, all I could think about was that girl in the dress of ash. Unlike her, no prince came for Kaya.

Kaya, my dearest sister. Whatever else, I loved you. I loved you.

* * *

I lost my father in a duel between a wooden sword and a sheath.

On a breezy spring day, I emerged from the training room of our residence at the capital to see him striding across the courtyard, a bag of tied cloth slung across his back. My mother, aunt, and cousin were not home. It was only me and the servants in the compound.

Even at eight years old, I understood.

I placed myself between Father and the front gates. “Where do you think you’re going?”

His face registered a brief surprise, then reverted to his usual carefree smile. “To the market, little flower. I was thinking of buying your mother a … fan.”

A lie. He’d sooner buy her a poisoned chalice.

“With that?” I eyed his bag.

He knelt so we’d be at eye level. “You got me, little flower. I’ll be going a little farther than the market. But I’ll be back soon.”

“You’re leaving us. You’re running away.” It hurt, saying those words, because they meant Mother was right about him. I’d heard their voices at night—Mother calling him useless, an unworthy Swordbearer.

“There is something I must do. I’d stay if I could.”

I pointed my wooden practice sword at him. “Then fight me. If you win, I’ll let you go.”

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

Buried Phoenix. And Leaves

Originally appeared in Little Blue Marble.

 

I am the renewing flame, and you are the one I must burn.

I was taught this from the beginning, when my fire was only a spark, a bean-sized flicker on the end of a match. Father folded me in his arms and said, “Daughter, someday you will save the world.”

Save the world. Burn the world. Cut out the rot from the world with my love’s ashes as the dagger. All the same thing.

Love. Do I have the right to call you that?

When the day comes, when the moons kiss and the stars spin and the skies crackle like-lightning but not-lightning, I’ll close my hands around your throat and shake you until your sixty thousand quadrillion leaves scatter onto paved roads, onto twisting skyscrapers and satellite dishes yawning at the sky like giant hollowed clams. Your leaves will rain onto forests piling with refuse, onto thinning ice where the last northern bear scrabbles, claws digging into seawater, fur streaked silver in the midnight sun.

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

The Palace of the Silver Dragon

Originally published in Strange Horizons.

 

Aliah stood on the cliff and listened to the song of the Silver Dragon. It combed reverberating notes through her skull, wrapped around her like a net of pearls pulling her closer to the waves. A deceptively simple melody, but that voice… it sang with the longing and depth and ancient promises of the sea.

Aliah stepped toward the cliff’s edge, toward the crashing waves which beat a weak percussion beneath the Silver Dragon’s song. She imagined the West Sea spraying across her face, imagined its salt on her tongue. But the sea lay far below, and what she tasted were only her tears. The last time she’d cried… When her mother left? When her brother hurled himself into these waves? Her tears hadn’t been for them—just herself, as they were now. Selfish, her father had called her. He was right. And he was probably burning to ash right now along with everything they owned. Aliah could still smell the smoke, still taste the fire.

The wind blew back her dark hair, which was gathered in a green ribbon once worn by her mother. The Silver Dragon’s song called to the abandoned, the broken. It had called to her brother, and though Aliah wasn’t broken, not the way he was, she didn’t hesitate to throw herself from the cliff.

Falling, arms outstretched, wash-softened hemp robes billowing, she must have looked like the subject of her mother’s masterpiece, Maiden Enchanted by the Silver Dragon. She just lacked the panicked father in the background, racing over too late to stop his daughter from jumping.

She hit the water. The impact rattled her bones, threatening to turn her into more jumbled pieces, more white foam upon the sea. Saltwater pooled inside her nose, sloshed around her mouth. At first sunlight stretched trembling fingers beneath the waves, but soon she sank below where the sun could reach. Her body shivered but her lungs burned, as if she and not her father were the one choking on smoke. Bubbles burst from her lips. The Silver Dragon’s song enfolded her, dragging her deeper.

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

Lace, Comb, Apple

Little Inn on the Jianghu

Fall from the Heavens

Originally appeared in On Spec.

 

He had the wings of a bat and the hands of a dead man. His skin stretched so tight that every bone was visible. Would it crack if I touched it? Awari wondered. What lay beneath couldn’t be much worse. He probably didn’t even bleed.

He turned, perhaps hearing the rocks she’d dislodged to alert him. His wings dragged across the ground like shadows grown tangible. His eyes were washed-up glass—sharp once, before time had worn them away.

Awari leapt onto the plateau and drew her knife. His face grew clearer, more gruesome. They hadn’t lied. This close, familiar features emerged from the aged parchment skin. It was him: the man, the Ascendant, the fallen god who’d destroyed her world. She expected all her rage to pour back in that moment. But all she felt was relief. Finally, finally she’d found him.

“You are Nazirel,” she said.

His mouth opened but no sound came out.

“I am Awari. You know why I’m here.”

He stared at her, expressionless. Her anger finally rose, a monster tossing beneath barely peaceful waves. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

It would be so effortless to hurl her knife, to nail it to his forehead, to avenge the world lost in the Third Cataclysm—her world. And yet… It’s too easy. It’s not enough. She shook with rage while Nazirel just stood there, motionless and impassive as the rock beneath their feet.

No. She’d waited five thousand years to do this, and she would do it right. She refused to kill a dumb and defenceless Nazirel. She’d make him remember, and repent, and plead. Then she’d laugh at him and batter him to the ground and stick her knives into him, over and over.

Awari pressed her knife close to his neck. Not touching, not yet, because then she wouldn’t be able to stop. “You’re coming with me,” she said. “And you’ll live, until you remember.”

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

Blood and Desert Dreams

Originally appeared in Beneath Ceaseless Skies.

 

I cut myself on kitchen duty when I was five. Blood welled from my index finger and flowed over the lines of my palm, like a miniature reproduction of the Arashka Delta.

Nancea, the kitchen mistress, rushed over. “Let me take a look at that, Kahna. Moons, I’ve been telling Lady Darya not to assign you to kitchen duty yet. Here.”

She held a handkerchief to the wound. Crimson battled snowy white and won, my blood soaking through the cloth. A single smudge brushed over Nancea’s hand.

One heartbeat. Five heartbeats. Twenty heartbeats.

She fell backwards, her breathing stopped. She was my first kill–probably. I couldn’t remember any others.

I stood there, hands limp, the handkerchief falling to the ground. One of the serving boys rushed over to see what was wrong. As he knelt over Nancea’s prone form, his bare shin must’ve brushed against the bloody handkerchief. Because not long after, he too fell over dead.

At this point, the servants realized something was very, very wrong and dared not draw near. Someone, or maybe several someones, rushed off to find Lady Darya. I was left with two corpses, the scarlet-and-ivory handkerchief, and a bloody hand that barely hurt.

A sharp blade meant little pain. That was my first lesson.

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

The Girl with the Frozen Heart

My Mirror, My Opposite

Originally appeared in Beneath Ceaseless Skies.

 

The song begins like this: “Once there was a fishgirl who sacrificed her heart and life and voice for a prince, and her reward was a path to heaven.”

All those stories, about fishgirls yearning for legs… Are human storytellers really so arrogant, believing we are the only enviable ones?

Let’s clear up one thing: that night, the storm didn’t hurl me into the sea.

* * *

Ever since I was little, my feet itched. Not from sores or mosquito bites or whatever other people’s feet itch from. Merely from existing, from being mine. It was mild enough that few people noticed. I could walk. I learned to ride, like all princes did. I could even sit still during rhetoric lessons.

Once, when I was six, the itch grew unbearable before a state dinner. Nan told Father I was ill, and the dinner went ahead without me. Father ordered the whipmaster to beat me afterward. That was Father’s best quality: he never found me a whipping boy or any other sort of playmate, so I endured all the punishments myself.

The fishgirl in the song couldn’t gaze upon what she desired until she turned fifteen, but I’d been watching the sea for as long as I could remember. I’d sit on the sand and stretch my toes into the water, while Nan gripped both my arms to keep me from going further. When I did this, the itch went away. So each night before bed I asked for a bucket of seawater. I’d soak my feet in it until it soothed me enough to make sleep possible. The servants looked at me strangely, but my request was hardly burdensome.

Father hated the sea. A shame, really, when our palace lay so close to it. How easy it would be to paint my mother as his opposite, to say she loved the sea, that she walked down the sand with me, our hands intertwined and our sandals discarded. That she told me stories of the Sea King’s palace and his fishgirl daughters and the youngest, prettiest princess, who built a garden of sun-red flowers for the statue of a handsome boy. But in truth, the only stories I had were ones I dug out of the library myself. I never knew my mother. Official records said she took ill and died. Nan told me she’d fled, escaping Father’s clutches and returning to Sun Isle. Sometimes, after I made a particularly grave mistake, Father would lean over my whip-split body and whisper, “Do that again and I’ll kill you, like I killed your mother.” I didn’t know if I should have believed him. You never knew with Father, whether he was telling the truth or trying to scare you.

I wasn’t a demanding child. I wanted to be excused from state dinners. I wanted to avoid the whipmaster and Father, though not in that order. And sometimes, when I stood on tiptoes and peered through my bedroom window at the water, I wanted the sea to sweep past rock and sand and reach where I stood, to drown my world in blue and carry me away on its waves.

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

Bride of the Blue Manor

Originally appeared in Shattering the Glass Slipper.

 

I wanted to be a great ironthorn, like my ancestor Lady Naoma.

Eventually, this matters.

* * *

I stepped down from the carriage, dragging the hem of this ridiculous Alusian dress. My slippers hit the courtyard of the blue manor. Turning back to the carriage—painted with the crossed swords of House Wenri—I waved to my coachman. Then I hefted the suitcase containing my marriage papers and faced my new life.

Garlands festooned the courtyard. My husband stood by the doors, hair like sun-dappled wheat, skin like burnished bronze, eyes as blue as the stone of his manor. So different from anyone back in Kokien.

Those eyes widened when they saw me, as if he’d seen a ghost. Then, I thought he marvelled at my coal-dark hair, my birch-white skin. Now, I know his initial shock stemmed from something else.

I should have been the one gawking. My husband still possessed the smooth skin and careless beauty of a man in his twenties—when, in truth, I was his fourth wife, and he was nearing fifty.

But I’d heard the rumours. Father had permitted me to arm myself with knowledge. And in the end, I’d been the one to accept this marriage.

My husband’s features shifted back into pleasant neutrality. Extending a hand, he said, “Lady Asha, it is good to meet you at last.” Poisoned honey laced his voice, sweet and dangerous.

I took his hand. “Lord Regeus.”

Hidden beneath the bodice of my gown, the cold, hard weight of a knife pressed against my sternum. I was, after all, my father’s daughter.

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

The Laughing Knight and the King of Ink: A Tragicomedy in 2.5 Parts

Original story

 

Epilogue

Lancelot sobbed into Arthur’s discarded cloak. The king’s blood smelled like blade metal, and the rips in the wool champed at Lancelot’s fingers like an enraged griffin.

“Get up,” Bedivere said. “Arthur’s death is tragic enough without you wiping your snot all over his clothes.”

“I… I…” Lancelot threw his head back and howled. “It’s all my fault! You were the one who threw Excalibur into the lake, but it was all because of me!”

Bedivere spoke with infinite patience and nonexistent mercy. “Yes, Lancelot. This is your fault.”

Part 1: Laughter

Lancelot tapped his left foot, one of many nervous habits he’d picked up over the past few years. “Sir, the meeting of the Round Table will begin soon.”

Arthur Pendragon looked up from his memoirs, nose smudged with ink, still scribbling with his blue-and-gold quill on a proverbial mountain of parchment. Blotches dotted his robes—old, wash-worn, somehow still regal—but most worrying were his eyes. They were reddened, puzzled, about as sentient as the ink.

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

The Mountains My Bones, the Rivers My Blood

Originally appeared in Beneath Ceaseless Skies.

 

The God of Ash met the youngest Champion in a field of bloody flowers.

The glass asters were stained crimson that day, nestled against the bodies of the Pearl Guard. They should’ve been the palest blue, petals nearly transparent in full bloom.

The Champion turned, blood dripping from his blades to pool around his boots. He was young, so young, barely past his twentieth year. The God of Ash couldn’t decide which shone brighter: the cheery sun above or the young man’s blue eyes.

The man’s lips stretched into a smile. “Caenlux,” he said, his voice filled with wonder, “the God of Ash. Finally.”

The god wore his mortal guise: brown robe, folded fan, the unlined face of a young man. The guise of an artisan who also indulged in amateur scholarly pursuits. His appearance hadn’t fooled the boy, it seemed.

The God of Ash stepped onto the field, weaving around the bodies. “I am called Shun now. What quarrel do you have with my Pearl Guard?”

“None.” He spun his blades around, whipping off the blood. “I would’ve left them alone if you’d shown up sooner.”

Shun closed his eyes. He thought back to the Endless War, the gods he’d slain. He thought of Mika, her body melting away as he set her down in the Lieri River. He thought back to the guises he’d worn, human and beast. He wished to tell this foolish young warrior that he didn’t much like being the God of Ash at that moment, hence why he’d arrived so late. But this stranger wouldn’t care.

He expected an attack. None came.

When he opened his eyes, the boy was standing in the same spot, like a stubborn dream that refused to drift away. “My name is Armind,” he said. “I am a Champion of Kohanna, the Goddess of Clay. She wants me to deliver this message: surrender this world or perish.”

If only I could. “The mountains of this land are my bones, and the rivers my blood. So long as I exist, this world shall belong to no other.”

Armind’s eyes gleamed. He resembled a hawk ready to dive for prey. “That,” he said, “was the message from the Goddess of Clay. My message is this: I’ve waited too long to let you surrender without a fight.”

Before Shun could ask what he’d meant, Armind rushed at him in a blur of silvery blades. The God of Ash sighed and unfurled his fan.

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

Glass Gardens

~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~

The Lady of Butterflies

Originally appeared in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction.

 

So here I was, First Sword of the Kejalin Empire, serving as a glorified playmate for this strange northern woman.

“Do you know, Lady Rikara,” she said one morning, “how caterpillars become butterflies?”

We strolled along the wooden walkway above the Oasis Pond. Koi fish flashed white-scarlet-gold beneath the late-summer sun.

“It’s not a simple matter of growing wings,” she said. “A curious man once poked open a chrysalis, and out spilled green and white liquid. The caterpillar’s tissues had melted, disintegrated—but from that broth eventually emerges a butterfly.” She stopped walking and turned to face me. “It’s enough to wonder, is it still the same creature? Everything about it has changed: its senses, its diet, its body. And yet…people say the butterfly still dreams of being a caterpillar.”

“Lace, Comb, Apple” – Spanish Translation and Interview

My short story “Lace, Comb, Apple”, originally published in The Dark, has been translated into Spanish by Voces de lo insólito. Huge thanks to Aitana Vega Casiano and Carla B. Estruch for the translation!

Alongside the translation, I also had the opportunity to conduct an interview. The Spanish version of the interview is available on the Voces de lo insólito Patreon. I have included the English version below:

 

What was the inspiration for Lace, Comb, Apple?

It was August 16, 2020. For a dream-like six months, I lived in a small town in rural Ontario. Back in Toronto—my once and future home—the Toronto Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers was hosting our annual one-shot anthology challenge: a day when writers are asked to complete a short story within 24 hours, to be compiled in a themed anthology.

The theme that year was Outsiders. My temporary absence from Toronto—my own status as an outsider, if you will—posed no challenge at all. The global pandemic had swept many in-person activities onto the shores of the internet. For the first time, our one-shot anthology had gone fully virtual.

And the theme? When I heard the word Outsiders, my thoughts immediately strayed to the mirror in Snow White. The world behind a mirror is, in some ways, another universe. Who was this mirror? Who were they to judge, regarding the fairest woman of the land? And if they were capable of passing judgement, surely they had other thoughts, emotions, desires. So how did they feel about being only a mirror, of having only a singular portal into the queen’s world?

In the end, I never published “Lace, Comb, Apple” in the Outsiders anthology. I wrote a second story that day (still within the 24-hour limit), called “The Last Leviathan,” which was included in Outsiders. For “Lace, Comb, Apple,” I decided to take a little more time with it, to polish it into its final form, which is the one that was published in The Dark.

 

Fairytales are originally dark, despite Disney’s efforts to convince us of the opposite. Are there any other classic stories that you would like to give a new twist?

I would like to give Sleeping Beauty another go. I tried to write a retelling a few years ago, but it grew into a novel-length monster sitting at the crossroads of three different genres—not at all the short story I set out to write. Perhaps I’ll try again from a different angle. Or perhaps I will finish the triple-genre novel.

Another thing I want to work on would be retellings of eastern legends, mythology, and folk tales—something outside of the classic western fairy tales (as much as I enjoy them!).

 

Nowadays, retellings are everywhere. Why do you feel classic fairy tales attract contemporary writers so much?

I think it’s the combination of the familiar with the strange. The shape of the original fairy tale is familiar to us, while the retelling adds in something different: a fresh perspective, a deeper or different exploration of a character, or even just bringing out little-known parts of the original fairy tale (e.g. some of the darker and more gruesome parts that are sanitized in adaptations).

 

Are you working on something right now? Are there any new stories coming out soon?

I am working on two fantasy novels: one is court drama meets revenge tale, and another is a coming-of-age story set in the same universe as two of my short stories (“The Lady of Butterflies” and “Dress of Ash”).

I still write short stories in between working on the novels. I don’t have any current announcements, but I hope to have something soon!

 

What have you been reading, watching, listening to recently? Something interesting to recommend to our readers?

I’ve been listening to a lot of audiobooks lately; they keep me company on my commute to work.

In terms of a recommendation: for anyone who enjoyed “Lace, Comb, Apple” and would like to read another Snow White retelling, I recommend Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust. It is an engaging novel filled with both heartwarming moments and painful ones, centred around the strong bond between two women—and how that bond is challenged amidst tragedy.

Year in Review & Award Eligibility 2018

Nothing like good ol’ paper.
Alternate heading: I have 2 seconds before The Razor’s Edge falls over. 0.5 seconds before F&SF follows suit.

2018 was a dreamily wonderful year for me in terms of publication. So dreamy, in fact, that I’m apparently still asleep. Hence why I’m writing this now when everyone else has made their award eligibility posts a month ago.

But nominations are still open for the major SF/F awards. So I’ve listed my 2018 publications below, aided by attempts at pithy, funny summaries. Attempts, I say, because this might get long and not so pithy. If brevity is the soul of wit, then I have none of it. Sorry, Shakes.

Some of the awards I’m eligible for include:

  • The Hugo Awards: Nominations are open until March 16 at 11:59 Pacific Daylight Time. Nominating can be done by current Worldcon members, members of last year’s Worldcon, or members of next year’s Worldcon.
  • The Nebula Awards: Nominations are open until February 15 for Active and Associate members of SFWA (Science Fiction & Fantasy Writers of America).
  • The Aurora Awards: For the best Canadian SF/F of the year. Nominations are open from March 1 to May 21. Members of the
    Canadian Science Fiction & Fantasy Association are allowed to nominate and vote.
  • I’m also in my first year of eligibility for the John W. Campbell Award for Best New Writer. It is not technically a Hugo, but it follows the same nomination and voting process. Nominations are open until March 15 at 11:59 Pacific Daylight Time.

And here are the individual stories I’ve published this year, and what they are eligible for. Stories marked with a * are available to read for free.

Eligible for Best Short Story (Hugo Awards and Nebula Awards):

*“The Mooncakes of My Childhood” (330 words) in PodCastle. A short piece on the rock-hard, northern version of mooncakes, and how they could be weaponized.

“A Place Without Seasons” (1,370 words) in Factor Four Magazine. Sentient snowbunnies can stick around after winter rather than going the way of Frosty the Snowman… if you stick them in the freezer, of course.

*“Subtle Ways Each Time” (2,100 words) in Escape Pod. A man loses a woman, and decides time travel is the solution. He might be wrong.

“Final Flight of the PhoenixWing” (3,760 words) in The Razor’s Edge. Gundam, but with time dilation and an old lady protagonist.

*“Glass Heart Giant” (3,850 words) in Sanctuary. What if you were trapped inside someone’s literal heart? Written in a day.

Eligible for Best Novelette (Hugo Awards and Nebula Awards):

*“The Palace of the Silver Dragon” (7,820 words) in Strange Horizons. No one who hears the Silver Dragon’s song and jumps into the sea ever returns alive. Aliah knows this, as she takes the leap.

*“The Girl with the Frozen Heart” (8,300 words) in Awakenings from Book Smugglers Publishing. The story of a dying girl, a god who tries to save her, and a boy who falls in love with her.

“The Lady of Butterflies” (8,970 words) in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. A foreign girl with no memories appears in the Kejalin court, and the First Sword of the Empire is forced to be her caretaker.

All the above stories are also eligible for the Aurora Award for Best Short Fiction.

I’ve also published two poems, which are eligible for the Rhysling Award (nominations by members of the Science Fiction Poetry Association) and the Aurora Award for Best Poem or Song.

*“The Cosmos Chronicler” in Polar Borealis #6. Astronomy-inspired freeverse.

*“Death’s Knotted Circle” in Polar Borealis #8. Iambic pentametre published in 2018. About as gloomy as the title suggests.

Concluding Thoughts: I’m quite proud of the amount of stories I’ve published this year. Less proud of my inability to blog consistently, and to write my detailed thoughts about every story (as I’ve promised).

I’m still in the wide-eyed honeymoon phase of publishing, so I read reviews. They have been quite positive and even heartwarming (I am writing that down here, so that one day, buried beneath scathing reviews, I can look back and laugh at myself. That’s when I’ll know I’ll have become a “real writer”). “The Lady of Butterflies” and “The Palace of the Silver Dragon,” in particular, have garnered a number of positive reviews (which I, of course, retweeted gleefully). Those two happen to be my personal favourites as well. “The Lady of Butterflies” is more classic secondary-world fantasy, and I planned it out scene by scene, while “The Palace of the Silver Dragon” is darker and I myself took half the story to figure out the main character’s actual deal.

For anyone who read anything I published this year, I would love to hear your thoughts below, positive or negative.

Current Projects: I have two stories and a poem forthcoming in 2019. One will be in Clarkesworld, and the other two I cannot announce yet.

I am also slogging through the third act of a fantasy time travel novel set in the same world as “The Lady of Butterflies.” I’ve finally restarted development on a visual novel I wrote three years ago; I thought I was done the writing part, but apparently three-year-old prose is kinda yucky, who would’ve thought? I am still working on short stories, though more in terms of editing existing ones rather than writing new ones. For now, at least.

This was supposed to be an awards eligibility post. It seems to have veered off-track. Attempt #8923476 at being pithy. Result: not achieved.